bookofnope | [IC Contact -- Snowblind]

bookofnope

[There is a click noise. It sounds as though it might be judging you.]

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From:

0thingsonmymind

help

jade▒s
n▒twe▒l ?sick?
wh▒t do ?

From:

warriorscribe

[Because that remark, in the way he said it, cuts him in a way he can't handle right now.]

Beckett, they just lost their mother. That goes beyond uncomfortable. Listen to me. There's no sense in twisting this knife for information they've said they don't have. I know you want answers, we all do. Do you think we're lying to you out of grief, that we're hiding something?

From:

0thingsonmymind

*Once everything has calmed down and the network is back to normal, Beckett will get a copy of this in his in inbox. Along with a link to these conversations.*

From:

phaseshifter

I'm back. And I was about to apologise for worrying you, but I think if I seriously said sorry for dying then you'd do that one face you do so intensely that it'd get stuck that way. :P

[ it's hard to keep these things casual without resorting to "sup brah, not dead"

the worst part of dying, tbh ]

From:

exequies

Do you have to die before you can become a vampire?

From:

exequies

Mostly the types that come out of their graves at night to terrorize the nearby populace. Villagers and the like, you know? Break into their homes to drink their blood, or slaughter their cattle. Some people say they're made through suicide.

[But he knows that's not true, at least.]

That sound about right?

From:

rubikscomplex

[After destroying the magazines he has, ripping them to shreds. After all but screaming at Amber, even though House knows it isn't her fault. What follows is numbness. It's helped along by the extra Vicodin he's taken. House doesn't have any other friends, none that he feels like he can talk to. What he does have, though, are frenemies.]

tell me about your apocalypse
what happened?

From:

heroproceeding

[ It would be so much easier to leave a text and just leave it at that. It would be so, so much easier. But Zack isn't a coward. And he isn't about to try and make this less than what it was. So, one deep, shaky breath later. ]

About what I said before.. The whole.. control thing.

[ There's a long pause. A really... really long pause. Then a bare whisper. ]

I'm sorry.

[ There's a faint click after that. ]

From:

swatsflies

Winter spoke to us.
Jim was amazing with asking her questions
Turns out the alter can be used as an interface
Like a computer.

From:

phaseshifter

Miss you. ♥

[ Which is all she can type without crying because thIS WOUND IS STILL WAY TOO RAW AGH ]

From:

headjacked

If your could stop being dead that would be great, Real great. Aewrsome.

Come back soon is alli'm saying.

From:

0thingsonmymind

*He's been freaking the fuck out too much to look at the network or his inbox...but he needs to send a few messages while he can.*

beckett
i know you'll probably never get this, i know how unlikely it is that you'll come back even if i can't stop hoping. but i may never get another chance to say this

thank you
for everything, for being my friend, for sticking with me and for trying to understand me instead of just brushing me aside. aside from tim...the masked tim, i mean, i think you were the only one who came close to understanding any of it.
you meant...mean a lot to me. you didn't deserve to get stuck here, and i know its terrible but i'm glad you did. i'm glad we could meet. i hope one day we can talk again.

From:

godsspeed

[ It takes a few days before it occurs to Castiel that there are some things he needs to address. His behavior as an anomaly was... regrettable, and despite the temptation to just pretend it hadn't happened or that he wasn't responsible, there are things he has to set right.

The message arrives some time after lockdown. Castiel is sitting against the plinth of some abstract sculpture in the museum. ]

Beckett. This is Castiel. The angel.

I... wanted to apologize for some of the things I said as an anomaly. And to explain.

From:

warriorscribe

[In the fitful grogginess after the injection, and the clearing of his mind as the anomaly vanished, Enoch checks on Quark, then himself for injuries (nothing but a faint bruise where he'd hit his head on a rack of equipment while anomaly-dodging), and then remembers one of the more powerful conversations he'd had last night and drags his tablet over, still not quite alert yet, but alert enough to get a private conversation open.]

Beckett? Are you all right?

From:

rubikscomplex

[The only reason he's using audio is because it's difficult to type and hike through the snow at the same time and he doesn't want to bother with audio-to-text.]

Thomas is turning into an anomaly. I'm out. Heading south. Got a message from that better half guy for my map, said there was an open gate. We didn't find anything on the building without doors. No hollow points, and painting the walls was useless. Find anything at the garage?

From:

phaseshifter

[ The thing about dying is that, as far as Angel is concerned, it's so much worse for the people left behind than it is for the person who's actually dying. Which isn't to say that death doesn't scare her - it's scared her every time she's been confronted with it, even back home when it was her only ral option - but. It's how she deals with these things, isn't it? Worry about other people's problems first and hers later.

So she struggles a little on deciding whether or not to contact anyone to let them know what's going on. It isn't like they can stop it. She's just going to give people one more thing to be sad or worried about, and is that really the last memory she wants people to have of her if she doesn't come back?

But she knows that Rhys isn't thinking that way, and Beckett's waiting for them. Besides, wasn't that the worst thing about when he'd died? Not getting to say goodbye? Closure is important. And after his whole thing with Lucita --

Okay, then. She can text him, if no one else. ]

Considering the time, I suppose it's obvious that we aren't meeting up again today after all. Sorry.

[ It's a woefully inadequate opening, but she sends it anyway. Before she changes her mind. ]

From:

headjacked

[ Rhys lags behind Angel in messaging Beckett, trapped in a sort of shell-shocked daze. He'd blame it on a dream but dreams aren't this painful.

Pain.

Maybe that's why they were late. Why they're out and everyone else is in. Isn't he slower than usual, hard to get started in the morning, limpy and full of complaints? 'Maybe' is being generous, huh. ]

It's my fault.

From:

phaseshifter

Beckett, it's me - p-properly me, I mean. Can you call me when you - when you get back? I'm so sorry, just. Please. Thank you.

[ There is a lot of stifled sobbing going on in this message. Maybe even some sniffling. Gross. ]

From:

0thingsonmymind

*He's noticed Beckett on the network by now.*

where

From:

0thingsonmymind

*He's seen people on the network. Beckett has to be among them.*

where
how
?

From:

standing_waters

*He's not sure how he feels about the vampire. The blood sucker deserved what he got but there's still a sense of wrongness to it. Something about how and why it all happened.
He has nothing to apologize for her, but there was one question he'd left unanswered. It seems too cruel to leave the leech hanging after everything that just happened.*

The world hadn't ended yet.

*Hopefully he can leave it at that.*

From:

warriorscribe

[Beckett receives a video file, rather than a call. It's accompanied by a simple text message: If Rhys is in earshot, please warn him first.

In the video itself, everything is tilted sideways; Enoch is lying down, holding his tablet up with one hand. It's difficult to tell at first glance but he's curled up tight on the floor. His eyes are red and puffy and his face blotchy from crying. His breathing is deliberately heavy, but slow, in and out through his nose in even measurements.]

All right- all right, I- [His voice breaks and his careful breathing hitches.] ...I still don't have complete control over what I say, and perhaps that's for the best right now, because I need- I need to be as much myself as I can be. I'm afraid to sleep, I'm afraid I'll wake up and be someone else again, and- and I need to do this.

I need to do this. Ugh...like my stomach is lined with broken glass...

I need to do this. I must. I must...

[He sniffs back his tears, but it takes a second more to compose himself enough to speak, and even then, his voice breaks several times.]

First of all, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for the things I said to you, Beckett, for the things I ignored. The things I didn't care about but should have. The things I did to Rhys, especially the things I did to Rhys. I could have- [He has to pause, swallowing again, as tears threaten the rest of his message once more.] I could have taken someone very important away from you.

And I don't know if you want this friendship anymore, given that. Given the way he- ...what I still do to him. But I want you to- ...If this happens again, if they twist me into someone else but, but I never come back, I want you to remember who I was. I don't want all that remains of me to be the same twisted, violated...thing it made me into.

You've made no secret of your appreciation of me, Beckett, when we talked. My forgiveness is enough, I've guided you towards empathy, everything you've said, these honors I doubt now I truly deserve... I've always been so overcome by what you say I've done for you I've never said what it is you've done for me. And I want to say these things while I still feel them. Because- one day I may not. Tomorrow I may not. And I want you to know, to remember.

[He bows his head, tucking it in towards the ball he's made on the floor, and chastises himself under his breath:] ...I can ramble around the point all night at this rate. It's all right to bring these feelings up, no matter how little I deserve to feel them. If I don't I risk never feeling them again...

Right, I- sorry, I rely on this death curse to convey the truth but it can make it just as difficult sometimes.

The thing I am most afraid of is being alone. And though I was surrounded by others, I was alone. I didn't realize it, however. I had no concept of it. I knew in some way there was a gulf between myself and those around me. The mortals I met I had to leave, and even if I didn't I would outlive them into eternity. The immortals were angelic, removed from human perspective entirely, old and already full of most of the knowledge they needed to know. But I didn't think to call this pain I felt loneliness. I didn't think to consider myself alone, you see, because I had others physically near.

[He calms noticeably - the tablet has steadied the video for him so the trembling in his hands ceasing doesn't get to be appreciated. But a tension dissolves away from him, and the corners of his mouth soften, a hint of life coming to his tired eyes.]

And then, I met you.

We're two of a kind, Beckett. The two of us were mortal-born, lived a mortal life for similar amounts of time, before gaining immortality and going on to live a similar number of years at that. A few mortal generations, enough to watch us change but not enough to forget we don't know everything. Never bereft of our desire to understand, to test and learn, fail and try again, seeking that success that will make it all worthwhile, but in a way mortals often can't afford to pursue, and in a way older immortals don't believe they need.

I didn't know how much I needed that. When I told you I'd never known anyone like you, this is what I meant. I was lonely in a way I never knew, and I- and you -...

[Bit by bit, his tight fetal position relaxes. He breathes easier, even manages a smile, high on his own emotions and clinging desperately to their warm positivity. Only one emotion can do this to his mood without fail...]

...Love. Love is what makes answers worthwhile, to me. Because the most important answers are the ones you can use to lift up the people you love. Love itself is a set of questions and answers all its own, with ever-shifting rules and no limits to what can be found.

[He pauses, taking in the abstract rambling he'd just subjected the camera to and finding something deeply comforting within its absurdity. He sighs warmly, the color in his face beginning to level out into a healthier hue. He's still clinging quite deliberately to these emotions, seeking refuge rather than free of pain. But it's working. At least for now, it's working. The stabbing agony of his guilt and loneliness and fear seem dull, for the moment.]

Yes, that's it. Love is its own sphere of questions and answers, and you are the answer to a question I didn't know how to ask. I'm not sure I can look at where I stand as both an immortal and a human the same way anymore, because of the new perspective you've brought to my life.

And thank you, thank you so much for the opportunity to experience this. Even if we were offered the opportunity to forget all the horrors of this place, you are chief among the reasons why I would decline. I could never forget you and what you mean to me.

...I strayed from what I meant to talk about, but I don't think I mind. [And at last, a laugh. It's hesitant, quiet, but fond and warm - broken, still, in its awkwardly-swallowed end, but it's real. If Beckett had heard his hysterical apology to Rhys, the contrast might be alarming. Love has always done this to him, brought comfort to him in even the worst of crises.]

But then again, perhaps I didn't. Perhaps this is the "me" I want you to remember. Yes - remember me as the man who found answers in love, and not torment, no matter what this place twists me into. Whatever you want to do with our friendship, whether you wish to have nothing to do with me after the way I treated you and Rhys or whether you want it to continue as I so fervently do, I love you, Beckett, as long as I am the man that I am. Remember that.

[It had slipped, at the mention of the idea of ending their friendship and what he had inflicted on Rhys, but when he shifts the tablet so he can end it, he's still smiling, even if it's weaker, and growing weaker still. Airing his feelings and recording and affirming who he is has given him some peace. It will not last, but it will afford him some sleep.]

From:

0thingsonmymind

iam tun nels

ithink can getto
cor ner be fore
pass

soon
?to mor row?

whereare
?

Edited (i wasn't done. but i am now.) Date: 2017-08-08 04:57 pm (UTC)

From:

swatsflies

[ He's including various images of the school, Russian saying "School" and "Tunnel" and SNOW. Lots of snow pics. ]

Hey! Are you with Rhys and Angel? Or Brian?/