[Oh, she's good - for a mortal, maybe, but she's good. Has she learned it from him? He'd like to think so, except he remembers what pile of tooth-rotting goo he turns into in her presence. Disgusting. With the Beast so close to the surface, his anger mounts exponentially.]
I'm sure I will. And every time you hug me, you'll know that somewhere in his mind, the man you are giving love and blood to thinks of you as a silly scrap of flesh. Oh, he chooses not to act on it, but choices, unlike nature, can be unmade.
Except it isn't quite like that, is it? You can't choose to not love me, and that wins out over anything your nature tells you. So I'll never just be a silly scrap of flesh, you doof.
[ If a tone of voice could reach through the network and pinch Beckett's cheeks indulgently, that's what would be happening right now. It might be a little much, but she's going to keep pushing anyway. ]
And you know I'm right, I assume. Even if your current state doesn't allow for those feelings, you're aware that they existed and will exist again soon enough. Sucks to be you, I guess - but if you need a shoulder to cry on, mine is available.
[ hello douchebeckett would u like fries with ur mercy/grace combo meal ]
[The tone of voice reaches through the network and works over Beckett's spine like a letter opener. He's going to have to kill her, isn't he? He'll regret it later, of course, but perhaps the satisfaction would last a while...]
You tell yourself that, child, you tell yourself your love is enough to always hold back the beast, that if you just love someone enough you can change the monster they are. But I'll also remember how much easier and clearer everything is without those feelings. Don't think I won't.
Oh, because having things be easy and clear is so important to you. Plus easier doesn't always mean better. Think of it like eating stale mass-manufactured cookies versus warm gooey home-made ones, if it helps.
[ She'd probably be laying on the patronising attitude a little less thickly if she knew what Beckett was thinking. Alas. As things are, managing to turn this conversation around so neatly is leaving her slightly giddy. ]
You shouldn't be thinking of yourself as a monster, either. Even right now. I've seen enough monsters to know you aren't one.
[How is she twisting him around like this? Despite himself a low rumble starts in Beckett's chest. Animal. Dangerous. If he had something in front of him right now to let the Beast out on he'd have gone for it. But he's stuck speaking to the damn girl through a damn machine. It's insufferable.]
You think you know who and what I am because you've seen me here? That all I ever was is the pathetic wreck that's attached himself to you like you can give him absolution? I've lived centuries, and killed hundreds! [And that won't change in a few days' time, which right now is a relished thought.] You only like to ignore it, because what does loving a monster make you?
I don't ignore it any more than I ignore the deaths I'm responsible for. We've both done bad things, but that doesn't make us monsters.
[ There's scorn in that last word, but it's dulled by the reminder of the most recent crop of casualties she's caused. Sure, it isn't the same as when she was following Jack's instructions back on Pandora, but still. Breaking open the tablets again was her idea, and the fallout is her responsibility.
Now isn't the time for self-flagellation, though. She's busy. ]
I may not know big chunks of your past, but I know you now. The, uh, real you. Not the half-finished version you are at the moment. So yes, I think that counts as knowing you. Pretty well, I'd say.
That's a nice fine distinction you're making, girl. Your lie to yourself just as well as your father.
[If she can shoot low - and calling him half-finished is low, even if he suspects she doesn't quite know how much - then he can shoot lower. Watch him.]
I am a monster and I like it. The man you know is a pathetic excuse for a Cainite. When this is over you just ask him if he'd not have preferred this freedom to the supposed love he has for you!
[His voice is slipping, first his accent - the rugged Scouse might be comical under other conditions - then the rest of his careful diction, into snarling. The veneer of civilization, going bit by bit.]
[ That's hardly the point, and blurting it out sounds horribly childish, but. She's been doing well. She can keep this up, it's fine. She's fine.
The change in Beckett's voice is a welcome jolt away from any nasty Jack-related thoughts, anyway. Suddenly, though, hearing him losing it doesn't make her feel giddy or accomplished. She isn't scared as such, but the snarling is enough to make her profoundly uneasy despite the distance between them. ]
And if he-- you actually preferred being this way, then you'd have behaved like this before now. You're just lashing out like a freaking child because you know I'm right, and nothing you do or say while you're like this will mean anything because I'll still love you!
[And there it is, said and said. He doesn't even think about it. He knows that if he follows through on that threat, his future-self - the self that loves her - will never recover, but the thought pleases him in its twisted way. He hates the man he will be. He wants to break him.]
And you know I can - yes, you know I can, because you trust me. I'm not a bad liar myself!
[And if he can't break him by killing her, cracking them both by breaking that trust will do.]
Of course I know you can kill me. I'm small and fragile. Quark could take me if he was determined enough.
[ She really isn't as good at the sneering tone of voice as Beckett is. It doesn't help that she's a little shaken - even though she's painfully aware that this isn't the Beckett she knows, not really, it's still heart-clenchingly horrible to hear his voice saying things like that. ]
But I know you won't. Not even now. It's a big town with no shortage of places to avoid you, so. So eat shit.
[ A grown adult really shouldn't want to follow that up by sticking out her tongue, AND YET ]
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2017-07-12 09:33 pm (UTC)I'm sure I will. And every time you hug me, you'll know that somewhere in his mind, the man you are giving love and blood to thinks of you as a silly scrap of flesh. Oh, he chooses not to act on it, but choices, unlike nature, can be unmade.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-12 10:10 pm (UTC)[ If a tone of voice could reach through the network and pinch Beckett's cheeks indulgently, that's what would be happening right now. It might be a little much, but she's going to keep pushing anyway. ]
And you know I'm right, I assume. Even if your current state doesn't allow for those feelings, you're aware that they existed and will exist again soon enough. Sucks to be you, I guess - but if you need a shoulder to cry on, mine is available.
[
hello douchebeckett would u like fries with ur mercy/grace combo meal]no subject
Date: 2017-07-15 07:01 pm (UTC)You tell yourself that, child, you tell yourself your love is enough to always hold back the beast, that if you just love someone enough you can change the monster they are. But I'll also remember how much easier and clearer everything is without those feelings. Don't think I won't.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-15 07:40 pm (UTC)[ She'd probably be laying on the patronising attitude a little less thickly if she knew what Beckett was thinking. Alas. As things are, managing to turn this conversation around so neatly is leaving her slightly giddy. ]
You shouldn't be thinking of yourself as a monster, either. Even right now. I've seen enough monsters to know you aren't one.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-18 07:10 pm (UTC)You think you know who and what I am because you've seen me here? That all I ever was is the pathetic wreck that's attached himself to you like you can give him absolution? I've lived centuries, and killed hundreds! [And that won't change in a few days' time, which right now is a relished thought.] You only like to ignore it, because what does loving a monster make you?
no subject
Date: 2017-07-18 07:28 pm (UTC)[ There's scorn in that last word, but it's dulled by the reminder of the most recent crop of casualties she's caused. Sure, it isn't the same as when she was following Jack's instructions back on Pandora, but still. Breaking open the tablets again was her idea, and the fallout is her responsibility.
Now isn't the time for self-flagellation, though. She's busy. ]
I may not know big chunks of your past, but I know you now. The, uh, real you. Not the half-finished version you are at the moment. So yes, I think that counts as knowing you. Pretty well, I'd say.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-18 07:51 pm (UTC)[If she can shoot low - and calling him half-finished is low, even if he suspects she doesn't quite know how much - then he can shoot lower. Watch him.]
I am a monster and I like it. The man you know is a pathetic excuse for a Cainite. When this is over you just ask him if he'd not have preferred this freedom to the supposed love he has for you!
[His voice is slipping, first his accent - the rugged Scouse might be comical under other conditions - then the rest of his careful diction, into snarling. The veneer of civilization, going bit by bit.]
no subject
Date: 2017-07-18 08:09 pm (UTC)[ That's hardly the point, and blurting it out sounds horribly childish, but. She's been doing well. She can keep this up, it's fine. She's fine.
The change in Beckett's voice is a welcome jolt away from any nasty Jack-related thoughts, anyway. Suddenly, though, hearing him losing it doesn't make her feel giddy or accomplished. She isn't scared as such, but the snarling is enough to make her profoundly uneasy despite the distance between them. ]
And if he-- you actually preferred being this way, then you'd have behaved like this before now. You're just lashing out like a freaking child because you know I'm right, and nothing you do or say while you're like this will mean anything because I'll still love you!
no subject
Date: 2017-07-21 12:08 pm (UTC)[And there it is, said and said. He doesn't even think about it. He knows that if he follows through on that threat, his future-self - the self that loves her - will never recover, but the thought pleases him in its twisted way. He hates the man he will be. He wants to break him.]
And you know I can - yes, you know I can, because you trust me. I'm not a bad liar myself!
[And if he can't break him by killing her, cracking them both by breaking that trust will do.]
no subject
Date: 2017-07-21 12:25 pm (UTC)[ She really isn't as good at the sneering tone of voice as Beckett is. It doesn't help that she's a little shaken - even though she's painfully aware that this isn't the Beckett she knows, not really, it's still heart-clenchingly horrible to hear his voice saying things like that. ]
But I know you won't. Not even now. It's a big town with no shortage of places to avoid you, so. So eat shit.
[ A grown adult really shouldn't want to follow that up by sticking out her tongue, AND YET ]