My choice. Yes. It's exactly as you always say. [Beckett chuckles, this time oddly sincere despite being well aware of the irony of his words.] Free will.
[He remembers how they'd argued, if not downright fought about it. The weight and gift and meaning of free will. It's always been there at his core, but he had not seen it through so human a lens, not before Enoch's insights. Being other than human had meant more. It still does. But now he can see the resemblance, the points of contact, without resentment, can look at his own humanity with renewed kindness.
Kindness. Yes. That's Enoch getting to him, all right.]
Well. I can hardly hold it against you, that determination to give, however much the cost of it ends up being. Because it is your choice. Not a choice I understand, maybe, but I ought to respect it all the more for that. I do understand that it's not easy. [That's the curious thing, that for some people it is easy. Sacrifice that comes from self-loathing - Angel's, no doubt - from a martyr complex, from knowing nothing else. Giving from the true love of it is rarer. Though he's not sure he can explain that to Enoch - Enoch who thinks so well of people.]
But that is what makes it a choice, isn't it? That's the humanity of it. To go against the simple instinct.
If it was ever difficult, I do not remember it. I'm sure I was more tempted to be more selfish as a child. But the centuries have made it a part of me.
[Even the brainwashing hadn't changed that. When Beckett had asked to feed, Enoch's first thought, even twisted as he was, had been Can I? A shadow falls over the calm on his face as he thinks back on the rest. On the "giving" that had taken away, the offered comfort that had only unsettled and disgusted. It was a part of him, and the brainwashing had not taken it away. But it had, where it needed to, twisted it into something else. His own will had been tampered with, something angels and demons and even God could not do. Human potential is great indeed. Free will meant it could be directed anywhere.]
...Free will is our one true birthright. It is what sets us apart, us sons of Adam. It is what gives us our potential. For good or ill. And the choices we make...
...you choose to fight for me. For Angel and Rhys. For Brian. Your nature pulls you away from compassion. That you have decided you want to feel it for us makes it all the more powerful.
[There. There is that glow he so badly needs now, and something else he should have said when Beckett first revealed he had to maintain his capacity for such emotions. Something else he should have said but never did. For what, fear of offending him? He doesn't know. But he feels better for saying it.]
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2017-08-28 08:06 pm (UTC)[He remembers how they'd argued, if not downright fought about it. The weight and gift and meaning of free will. It's always been there at his core, but he had not seen it through so human a lens, not before Enoch's insights. Being other than human had meant more. It still does. But now he can see the resemblance, the points of contact, without resentment, can look at his own humanity with renewed kindness.
Kindness. Yes. That's Enoch getting to him, all right.]
Well. I can hardly hold it against you, that determination to give, however much the cost of it ends up being. Because it is your choice. Not a choice I understand, maybe, but I ought to respect it all the more for that. I do understand that it's not easy. [That's the curious thing, that for some people it is easy. Sacrifice that comes from self-loathing - Angel's, no doubt - from a martyr complex, from knowing nothing else. Giving from the true love of it is rarer. Though he's not sure he can explain that to Enoch - Enoch who thinks so well of people.]
But that is what makes it a choice, isn't it? That's the humanity of it. To go against the simple instinct.
no subject
Date: 2017-08-29 09:42 pm (UTC)[Even the brainwashing hadn't changed that. When Beckett had asked to feed, Enoch's first thought, even twisted as he was, had been Can I? A shadow falls over the calm on his face as he thinks back on the rest. On the "giving" that had taken away, the offered comfort that had only unsettled and disgusted. It was a part of him, and the brainwashing had not taken it away. But it had, where it needed to, twisted it into something else. His own will had been tampered with, something angels and demons and even God could not do. Human potential is great indeed. Free will meant it could be directed anywhere.]
...Free will is our one true birthright. It is what sets us apart, us sons of Adam. It is what gives us our potential. For good or ill. And the choices we make...
...you choose to fight for me. For Angel and Rhys. For Brian. Your nature pulls you away from compassion. That you have decided you want to feel it for us makes it all the more powerful.
[There. There is that glow he so badly needs now, and something else he should have said when Beckett first revealed he had to maintain his capacity for such emotions. Something else he should have said but never did. For what, fear of offending him? He doesn't know. But he feels better for saying it.]