*Its been a hectic day, so he doesn't get to messages until after lockdown..and then he nearly drops his tablet when he sees the response. Beckett was back? That was--well, not really great but it was good for him. His fellow seeker was back!
But...with him like this...did they really have that connection anymore? Should he wait until things are back to normal before responding?
No. He can't do that. Instead he switches on the video and sends a response.
His hood is still up (cause its cold) but his mask is off. He doesn't look so great under it. His face is rather gaunt and terribly pale (lack of proper nutrition or sunlight for years will do that). His hair is messy and clearly cut by himself with no style other than to keep it short. He has a similarly scruffy and patchy start of a beard that's only barely beyond its five-o'clock-shadow phase but already obviously uneven. His eyes are rather hollow and haunted, but he smiles anyway. Its awkward and out of practice, but its a real smile.
His voice is still hoarse though. Getting your sanity back doesn't ease years of speaking as little as possible.*
Beckett! I thought I'd never...I mean...fuck, I don't know what I mean. I just...
[The sight of Brian's unmasked face is - Beckett isn't ready for it. It's another, if fainter blow that adds to his mental staggering. One after another, the things he knows his friend by seem undone. But at the same time, the smile gives him something else, something new to grasp onto. This may be the most awkward conversation they'll ever have, and yet there is still some essential recognition. They still know that they are important to each other.
Beckett gives his friendship with agonising slowness, but he gives it for good. And he should be used to people changing. He should be able to see...
He manages a smile back.]
I was starting to think the same. We're in a great deal of luck.
[A pause. Awkward, yes. He might as well acknowledge that and move on.]
How much do you remember? Of - how it was with you before?
*He thinks the few friends he has here deserve something, some sign of trust, after everything. He probably won't be happy about it after things go back to normal, but he at least shouldn't regret showing these three.*
Not sure if its good or bad luck, though. Heh.
All of--well, as much as I could then. There are a lot of holes that I usually don't worry about. Unless you mean before everything, then...not all that much.
I, ah, I don't know if you heard but I...I died. So this...
Jade told me. There was - [he pauses, sharply uncertain. The anomaly that had gotten Brian belonged to another realm, another Brian perhaps, he isn't sure yet. He wants to ask and probe, of course, because he wants to understand Brian, and there is the possibility of insight here that he could never gain otherwise probably. But then, perhaps this insight isn't for him. Or for anyone.
He's never let that stop him before, though. It's part and parcel of who he is, the man who is Brian's friend.]
She told me that the creature who caught you was one you'd recognise. That is one reason why I asked. [Another moment's hesitation, though this time more in choosing his words.] This must be a... daunting situation for you to face.
[So he remembers the Operator. And, Beckett can only assume, remembers what he had been like before this change, the state that he expects to return to. That it doesn't matter, though... that, he is less convinced of.]
Is this allowing you any kind of - insight? About, perhaps, mysteries that you were not previously able to think, shall we say linearly about?
[He doubts it, but the question should be asked anyway. If nothing else it might offer Brian some focus.]
I'm not surprised. It's - [He licks his lips, nervous, and decides that perhaps he should not commiserate about the sudden loss of everything one has defined oneself by.]
But you still know who you were and what you were before. You know that you will return to it.
Yes. It's temporary. [Beckett certainly sounds encouraged by that. It's hard for him to imagine it not being encouraging. He makes the assumption almost without considering it.]
You only need to survive - however long it is going to be, and you know that you have your own self to return to.
*He doesn't really know how he feels about it. Its all so confusing and makes figuring out if he wants to be like this or not too much for him. He knows he wouldn't normally, but now he understands that he only thinks that because he gave up...however long ago it was. But it wasn't like he could try to be like this normally--he was right when he said it was too complicated. But in the end it didn't matter. Norfinbury or the @admin or who/what ever controlled the death loses here would take this away. He knows when it happens he'll be grateful but now... ...now he just resigns himself to it. Its depressing, in a way, but also somewhat freeing. Nothing he does these next few days really matters much.*
Yeah. This won't last too long.
*He still sounds kinda depressed about it, though.*
[It's not the response he expects, not in an immediate sense, and it frightens him rather out of all proportion - perhaps because it taps into a dread he'd been keeping quiet throughout their talk. What if the change isn't as passing, as on-the-surface, as it seems? What if the effects of the town pass, but the cracks they opened linger?
It's too easy to see how that would happen. It's an intimately familiar story.]
It can't rewrite who you are, Brian, not truly. I don't believe that it can.
[He's tried to offer comfort now and then. He suspects he's even gotten good at it. But this? What answers can he give that he hasn't failed to give himself?]
That is why I thought... perhaps in this condition you would have some insight into things that are harder to grasp in your normal state. A new perspective? Something to reflect on, to keep you connected?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
video
Date: 2017-03-16 09:32 pm (UTC)But...with him like this...did they really have that connection anymore? Should he wait until things are back to normal before responding?
No. He can't do that. Instead he switches on the video and sends a response.
His hood is still up (cause its cold) but his mask is off. He doesn't look so great under it. His face is rather gaunt and terribly pale (lack of proper nutrition or sunlight for years will do that). His hair is messy and clearly cut by himself with no style other than to keep it short. He has a similarly scruffy and patchy start of a beard that's only barely beyond its five-o'clock-shadow phase but already obviously uneven.
His eyes are rather hollow and haunted, but he smiles anyway. Its awkward and out of practice, but its a real smile.
His voice is still hoarse though. Getting your sanity back doesn't ease years of speaking as little as possible.*
Beckett! I thought I'd never...I mean...fuck, I don't know what I mean. I just...
*Short pause for a coughing fit.*
...uh. Hi?
video;
Date: 2017-03-16 10:34 pm (UTC)Beckett gives his friendship with agonising slowness, but he gives it for good. And he should be used to people changing. He should be able to see...
He manages a smile back.]
I was starting to think the same. We're in a great deal of luck.
[A pause. Awkward, yes. He might as well acknowledge that and move on.]
How much do you remember? Of - how it was with you before?
Re: video;
Date: 2017-03-16 10:39 pm (UTC)Not sure if its good or bad luck, though. Heh.
All of--well, as much as I could then. There are a lot of holes that I usually don't worry about. Unless you mean before everything, then...not all that much.
I, ah, I don't know if you heard but I...I died. So this...
*He kinds gestures to himself.*
this is just temporary.
no subject
Date: 2017-03-19 03:18 pm (UTC)He's never let that stop him before, though. It's part and parcel of who he is, the man who is Brian's friend.]
She told me that the creature who caught you was one you'd recognise. That is one reason why I asked. [Another moment's hesitation, though this time more in choosing his words.] This must be a... daunting situation for you to face.
no subject
Date: 2017-03-19 05:59 pm (UTC)It was like...some sort of gross mockery of the Operator. I guess that's sort of how monsters here work.
*The thing that got Jade had looked like something from her world, at least.*
...yeah, I'm not really sure what to make about it or...do or...anything.
*He sighs.*
But it'll all go away in a few days so it doesn't matter.
*He's accepting of this, though not really happy. Its just how things will end up and there's no changing it.*
no subject
Date: 2017-03-23 06:45 pm (UTC)Is this allowing you any kind of - insight? About, perhaps, mysteries that you were not previously able to think, shall we say linearly about?
[He doubts it, but the question should be asked anyway. If nothing else it might offer Brian some focus.]
no subject
Date: 2017-03-23 06:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-03-23 09:58 pm (UTC)But you still know who you were and what you were before. You know that you will return to it.
no subject
Date: 2017-03-23 10:00 pm (UTC)*Which means after a few days he'll be back to normal and none of his issues about this will matter.*
no subject
Date: 2017-03-25 10:45 pm (UTC)You only need to survive - however long it is going to be, and you know that you have your own self to return to.
no subject
Date: 2017-03-25 11:19 pm (UTC)But in the end it didn't matter. Norfinbury or the @admin or who/what ever controlled the death loses here would take this away. He knows when it happens he'll be grateful but now...
...now he just resigns himself to it. Its depressing, in a way, but also somewhat freeing. Nothing he does these next few days really matters much.*
Yeah. This won't last too long.
*He still sounds kinda depressed about it, though.*
no subject
Date: 2017-03-25 11:41 pm (UTC)It's too easy to see how that would happen. It's an intimately familiar story.]
It can't rewrite who you are, Brian, not truly. I don't believe that it can.
no subject
Date: 2017-03-25 11:45 pm (UTC)*He's still cerain of that. He's still positive the Operator is all-powerful.*
But it doesn't really make waiting any easier.
no subject
Date: 2017-03-26 01:50 pm (UTC)[He's tried to offer comfort now and then. He suspects he's even gotten good at it. But this? What answers can he give that he hasn't failed to give himself?]
That is why I thought... perhaps in this condition you would have some insight into things that are harder to grasp in your normal state. A new perspective? Something to reflect on, to keep you connected?
no subject
Date: 2017-03-26 04:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-03-28 10:42 am (UTC)Can I help you with that in any way?
no subject
Date: 2017-03-30 12:35 pm (UTC)*He shrugs.*
no subject
Date: 2017-04-03 10:29 am (UTC)Though, if you do not wish to be alone as you do, only say so.
no subject
Date: 2017-04-03 01:06 pm (UTC)I'll keep that in mind. Thanks.