[He laughs, in spite of the lingering rawness in his heart that makes it feel more hollow than it is.]
Oh, they didn't seem so human before I saw them together. You would be surprised what perspective means. Angels, until they are taught, don't understand death - they know of it, and they know humans die. But they do not understand what it is to lose. They do not understand what it is to learn - they are created with all the knowledge and skill they need to perform their roles in Heaven and interact with it and each other. They know that humans do not have this advantage. But they don't understand it. They didn't know what it truly meant until I had questions for them to answer. They don't know the weight of choice, lacking the ability to choose their own purpose...
I...could go on. But it all comes down to one thing: empathy does not come naturally to them. They must learn it, without the benefit of a child's flexible mind. It was some time before I realized why they were as they were. I was...a little disillusioned at first, if I recall correctly.
[Angels without empathy, of all things? Disillusionment seems like a very understated response, even - or perhaps especially from Enoch. Beckett has known enough strange beings in his unlife, ancients and immortals, to understand - or so he thinks at least - the way his friend describes the angels. Much of the time it is exactly this. Humans lose and learn. Others rarely, barely do. His own kind is very much an example - though to draw the parallel doesn't seem right.
It is remarkable that Enoch has remained who he is, in such company... but perhaps the explanation is easy enough, considering Enoch.]
But they can be taught - and you have taught them, haven't you? [Of course he has. It's practically what Enoch does.] Were you... meant to? Do you think that is one reason why you were chosen as you were?
I-...I never thought of it. But of course, that's why them...
[It's soft, startled realization, his eyes widening as his mind snatches up the idea to examine it. He's right. Isn't it strange that, for a task where his guardians were only required to watch and provide guidance from afar, all five of them were among the highest ranked in Heaven, the one closest to him, at his side always, the highest of them all? Couldn't any group of angels with similar knowledge sets have sufficed? That's the only thought he manages to keep to himself, because the rest of his revelation he cannot keep from sharing.]
I think that may have-... I didn't teach them, not deliberately. They lacked exposure, and traveling with me provided that. Even then, I'm not certain how well Raphael and Gabriel have learned. Michael seemed to have begun to understand... But they were all transformed into swans, always high above me and out of sight. Lucifel was at my side through as much as he was able...and it was his effort to learn that made me realize in the first place why they were so...strange.
...I may not have been chosen to teach. But I do not think it would have gone well had God not chosen someone who couldn't understand and forgive them...
[He hadn't expected to be given Enoch such insight, and the realization of its extent, and its meaning, sends a surge of unexpected satisfaction through Beckett. There, he had found an answer for someone, a moment of true meaning. The least he could do for his friend, who had taught him much as well. How like Enoch not to fully grasp the extent of his own ability, his gifts.
Humble bastard. Bless his human heart.]
I don't think such things can be taught deliberately. It's more about making an example, perhaps - after all, you've done it for me. [It's hardly a confession, so simply and sincerely he says it. Just a statement of fact, if one he's deeply grateful for.]
Old immortals learn slowly. If they haven't yet, then perhaps your work isn't done, my friend. God doesn't seem one to leave things unfinished...
[As the fount of words in the rush of unexpected insight trails off and Beckett picks up in the silence, Enoch quiets and listens. The conversation has already been a salve to his heart after the pain of the previous night, though he'd begun it to help Beckett; at least he seemed to have benefited just as well.
This tendency of his, to underestimate or never notice his own impact, to attribute such a thing to the other party, is what gives his friend's statement of fact all the emotional weight of the confession it could have been but wasn't.]
Have I? [He hesitates to say it as if he scarcely dares to think it.] I thought what I saw in you was earned trust, the privilege of seeing something you didn't show others. Had I really...?
[He chokes up, tears pricking the corner of his eyes as they crinkle in a warm smile. It wasn't the same as the angels. The angels had never known. Beckett had been raised as a human. He had once known. It was not discovery but rediscovery, and the thought that he had helped him reconnect with a piece of himself forgotten, or perhaps never properly developed...
His free hand rises to cover his heart, as if he could capture the warmth in the twinge of emotion there and keep it.]
I'm- I'm honored, to have been able to do this for you.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2017-06-06 03:24 am (UTC)Oh, they didn't seem so human before I saw them together. You would be surprised what perspective means. Angels, until they are taught, don't understand death - they know of it, and they know humans die. But they do not understand what it is to lose. They do not understand what it is to learn - they are created with all the knowledge and skill they need to perform their roles in Heaven and interact with it and each other. They know that humans do not have this advantage. But they don't understand it. They didn't know what it truly meant until I had questions for them to answer. They don't know the weight of choice, lacking the ability to choose their own purpose...
I...could go on. But it all comes down to one thing: empathy does not come naturally to them. They must learn it, without the benefit of a child's flexible mind. It was some time before I realized why they were as they were. I was...a little disillusioned at first, if I recall correctly.
no subject
Date: 2017-06-11 08:36 am (UTC)It is remarkable that Enoch has remained who he is, in such company... but perhaps the explanation is easy enough, considering Enoch.]
But they can be taught - and you have taught them, haven't you? [Of course he has. It's practically what Enoch does.] Were you... meant to? Do you think that is one reason why you were chosen as you were?
no subject
Date: 2017-06-12 06:18 am (UTC)[It's soft, startled realization, his eyes widening as his mind snatches up the idea to examine it. He's right. Isn't it strange that, for a task where his guardians were only required to watch and provide guidance from afar, all five of them were among the highest ranked in Heaven, the one closest to him, at his side always, the highest of them all? Couldn't any group of angels with similar knowledge sets have sufficed? That's the only thought he manages to keep to himself, because the rest of his revelation he cannot keep from sharing.]
I think that may have-... I didn't teach them, not deliberately. They lacked exposure, and traveling with me provided that. Even then, I'm not certain how well Raphael and Gabriel have learned. Michael seemed to have begun to understand... But they were all transformed into swans, always high above me and out of sight. Lucifel was at my side through as much as he was able...and it was his effort to learn that made me realize in the first place why they were so...strange.
...I may not have been chosen to teach. But I do not think it would have gone well had God not chosen someone who couldn't understand and forgive them...
no subject
Date: 2017-06-13 09:57 am (UTC)Humble bastard. Bless his human heart.]
I don't think such things can be taught deliberately. It's more about making an example, perhaps - after all, you've done it for me. [It's hardly a confession, so simply and sincerely he says it. Just a statement of fact, if one he's deeply grateful for.]
Old immortals learn slowly. If they haven't yet, then perhaps your work isn't done, my friend. God doesn't seem one to leave things unfinished...
no subject
Date: 2017-06-14 12:27 am (UTC)This tendency of his, to underestimate or never notice his own impact, to attribute such a thing to the other party, is what gives his friend's statement of fact all the emotional weight of the confession it could have been but wasn't.]
Have I? [He hesitates to say it as if he scarcely dares to think it.] I thought what I saw in you was earned trust, the privilege of seeing something you didn't show others. Had I really...?
[He chokes up, tears pricking the corner of his eyes as they crinkle in a warm smile. It wasn't the same as the angels. The angels had never known. Beckett had been raised as a human. He had once known. It was not discovery but rediscovery, and the thought that he had helped him reconnect with a piece of himself forgotten, or perhaps never properly developed...
His free hand rises to cover his heart, as if he could capture the warmth in the twinge of emotion there and keep it.]
I'm- I'm honored, to have been able to do this for you.