Beckett of the Mnemosyne (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bookofnope) wrote2015-10-04 01:39 pm
bookofnope) wrote2015-10-04 01:39 pm
[IC Contact -- Snowblind]
[There is a click noise. It sounds as though it might be judging you.]
[Even Enoch doesn't know if his initial expression is a smile or a grimace. Angels can die. Have died. Baraqel was eaten by his own child, Fire Nephilim consumed by its pain and trying to take everything down with it. Poor thing. He is torn between correcting Beckett and upholding this sliver of hope. He can't cling to it however much he wants to, knowing its premise is a lie, and would it damage their friendship if he did knowingly lie to him, even for his own comfort? He doesn't want to give him a truth he couldn't bear, and yet, truth is important to them both...]
...I'm afraid angels aren't invincible. But, you might still be right. Winter did say they were tied to our memory of them. They may yet be only that.
[They covered this ground before. But at least now, the anomalies are gone. It's quiet and somewhat collected, not desperate and hurting. Repeating it does help him, as well. And Beckett has steered the topic to Michael, and perhaps, Enoch thinks, he would enjoy another glimpse into a world well before even his own considerable time. It would be welcome to him, too, after all that pain, to think of his friends from home in their moments of happiness.]
I should like to think Michael is doing well, as well. Who else will tease Lucifel about his love of human fashion? Who will Lucifel tease for wearing his hair so long?
[Now that brings a true smile out of the strained hybrid he'd started with. He misses their loving bickering. Lucifel tried so hard to act as if he didn't care as much as he did, but Enoch knew better. He'd seen Lucifel smile - genuinely smile - for his twin.]
...I'm afraid angels aren't invincible. But, you might still be right. Winter did say they were tied to our memory of them. They may yet be only that.
[They covered this ground before. But at least now, the anomalies are gone. It's quiet and somewhat collected, not desperate and hurting. Repeating it does help him, as well. And Beckett has steered the topic to Michael, and perhaps, Enoch thinks, he would enjoy another glimpse into a world well before even his own considerable time. It would be welcome to him, too, after all that pain, to think of his friends from home in their moments of happiness.]
I should like to think Michael is doing well, as well. Who else will tease Lucifel about his love of human fashion? Who will Lucifel tease for wearing his hair so long?
[Now that brings a true smile out of the strained hybrid he'd started with. He misses their loving bickering. Lucifel tried so hard to act as if he didn't care as much as he did, but Enoch knew better. He'd seen Lucifel smile - genuinely smile - for his twin.]
No, I was thinking about... [About how it should not be possible, in his theology such as it is, for however great or strange a power to snatch and twist an Angel of the Lord in this way. But then it has snatched Enoch. For all he knows there are reasons. Reasons... and should he demand to know them, or have faith? To let lie is not in his nature.
Enoch's smile surprises him - though that too is like Enoch, to take that particular refuge. It wakes his curiosity, and for once he thinks he could indulge it. Memory is what one makes of it, and this, he imagines, is how Enoch would like to remember his friends. Imagining them well. It's a kindness to be able to do so.]
Tell me more about them. They sound very - well, human, for lack of a better word.
Enoch's smile surprises him - though that too is like Enoch, to take that particular refuge. It wakes his curiosity, and for once he thinks he could indulge it. Memory is what one makes of it, and this, he imagines, is how Enoch would like to remember his friends. Imagining them well. It's a kindness to be able to do so.]
Tell me more about them. They sound very - well, human, for lack of a better word.
[Exactly what he'd hoped. They'd had enough pain the previous night, and if talking about it didn't help them, the least he could do is lead his vampire friend away from it, to something nicer. Maybe this would heal if left alone.
His smile borders on a laugh for a moment. Because...]
It was a surprise to me, too. How human they were, aside from their lack of perspective. How much I could relate their relationship to that of mine with my own brothers and sisters. They're twin brothers, the right and left hands of God, and look alike save their hair and eyes. They love each other just like any human brothers would, and even their arguments end with smiles. They're different as day and night - they might even represent them, in fact - but I think it makes them care for one another all the more.
His smile borders on a laugh for a moment. Because...]
It was a surprise to me, too. How human they were, aside from their lack of perspective. How much I could relate their relationship to that of mine with my own brothers and sisters. They're twin brothers, the right and left hands of God, and look alike save their hair and eyes. They love each other just like any human brothers would, and even their arguments end with smiles. They're different as day and night - they might even represent them, in fact - but I think it makes them care for one another all the more.
['Human' isn't always a kind word from Beckett, and he isn't sure how he feels about this entirely - about Enoch's very human angel friends, the right and left hands of God who can easily talk eye to eye with a mortal, though perhaps it's Enoch's status as not-quite-mortal anymore that makes it so. He's used to ancients and powers who are beyond him and his kind. He listens with curiosity, with a touch of the jealousy he never quite stops feeling when Enoch is concern, and perhaps even a bit unnerved by what he hears.]
Was it shocking, then, when you first met them - however that happened? That they were so personable? Or - surely this isn't all there is to them.
Was it shocking, then, when you first met them - however that happened? That they were so personable? Or - surely this isn't all there is to them.
[He laughs, in spite of the lingering rawness in his heart that makes it feel more hollow than it is.]
Oh, they didn't seem so human before I saw them together. You would be surprised what perspective means. Angels, until they are taught, don't understand death - they know of it, and they know humans die. But they do not understand what it is to lose. They do not understand what it is to learn - they are created with all the knowledge and skill they need to perform their roles in Heaven and interact with it and each other. They know that humans do not have this advantage. But they don't understand it. They didn't know what it truly meant until I had questions for them to answer. They don't know the weight of choice, lacking the ability to choose their own purpose...
I...could go on. But it all comes down to one thing: empathy does not come naturally to them. They must learn it, without the benefit of a child's flexible mind. It was some time before I realized why they were as they were. I was...a little disillusioned at first, if I recall correctly.
Oh, they didn't seem so human before I saw them together. You would be surprised what perspective means. Angels, until they are taught, don't understand death - they know of it, and they know humans die. But they do not understand what it is to lose. They do not understand what it is to learn - they are created with all the knowledge and skill they need to perform their roles in Heaven and interact with it and each other. They know that humans do not have this advantage. But they don't understand it. They didn't know what it truly meant until I had questions for them to answer. They don't know the weight of choice, lacking the ability to choose their own purpose...
I...could go on. But it all comes down to one thing: empathy does not come naturally to them. They must learn it, without the benefit of a child's flexible mind. It was some time before I realized why they were as they were. I was...a little disillusioned at first, if I recall correctly.
[Angels without empathy, of all things? Disillusionment seems like a very understated response, even - or perhaps especially from Enoch. Beckett has known enough strange beings in his unlife, ancients and immortals, to understand - or so he thinks at least - the way his friend describes the angels. Much of the time it is exactly this. Humans lose and learn. Others rarely, barely do. His own kind is very much an example - though to draw the parallel doesn't seem right.
It is remarkable that Enoch has remained who he is, in such company... but perhaps the explanation is easy enough, considering Enoch.]
But they can be taught - and you have taught them, haven't you? [Of course he has. It's practically what Enoch does.] Were you... meant to? Do you think that is one reason why you were chosen as you were?
It is remarkable that Enoch has remained who he is, in such company... but perhaps the explanation is easy enough, considering Enoch.]
But they can be taught - and you have taught them, haven't you? [Of course he has. It's practically what Enoch does.] Were you... meant to? Do you think that is one reason why you were chosen as you were?
I-...I never thought of it. But of course, that's why them...
[It's soft, startled realization, his eyes widening as his mind snatches up the idea to examine it. He's right. Isn't it strange that, for a task where his guardians were only required to watch and provide guidance from afar, all five of them were among the highest ranked in Heaven, the one closest to him, at his side always, the highest of them all? Couldn't any group of angels with similar knowledge sets have sufficed? That's the only thought he manages to keep to himself, because the rest of his revelation he cannot keep from sharing.]
I think that may have-... I didn't teach them, not deliberately. They lacked exposure, and traveling with me provided that. Even then, I'm not certain how well Raphael and Gabriel have learned. Michael seemed to have begun to understand... But they were all transformed into swans, always high above me and out of sight. Lucifel was at my side through as much as he was able...and it was his effort to learn that made me realize in the first place why they were so...strange.
...I may not have been chosen to teach. But I do not think it would have gone well had God not chosen someone who couldn't understand and forgive them...
[It's soft, startled realization, his eyes widening as his mind snatches up the idea to examine it. He's right. Isn't it strange that, for a task where his guardians were only required to watch and provide guidance from afar, all five of them were among the highest ranked in Heaven, the one closest to him, at his side always, the highest of them all? Couldn't any group of angels with similar knowledge sets have sufficed? That's the only thought he manages to keep to himself, because the rest of his revelation he cannot keep from sharing.]
I think that may have-... I didn't teach them, not deliberately. They lacked exposure, and traveling with me provided that. Even then, I'm not certain how well Raphael and Gabriel have learned. Michael seemed to have begun to understand... But they were all transformed into swans, always high above me and out of sight. Lucifel was at my side through as much as he was able...and it was his effort to learn that made me realize in the first place why they were so...strange.
...I may not have been chosen to teach. But I do not think it would have gone well had God not chosen someone who couldn't understand and forgive them...
[He hadn't expected to be given Enoch such insight, and the realization of its extent, and its meaning, sends a surge of unexpected satisfaction through Beckett. There, he had found an answer for someone, a moment of true meaning. The least he could do for his friend, who had taught him much as well. How like Enoch not to fully grasp the extent of his own ability, his gifts.
Humble bastard. Bless his human heart.]
I don't think such things can be taught deliberately. It's more about making an example, perhaps - after all, you've done it for me. [It's hardly a confession, so simply and sincerely he says it. Just a statement of fact, if one he's deeply grateful for.]
Old immortals learn slowly. If they haven't yet, then perhaps your work isn't done, my friend. God doesn't seem one to leave things unfinished...
Humble bastard. Bless his human heart.]
I don't think such things can be taught deliberately. It's more about making an example, perhaps - after all, you've done it for me. [It's hardly a confession, so simply and sincerely he says it. Just a statement of fact, if one he's deeply grateful for.]
Old immortals learn slowly. If they haven't yet, then perhaps your work isn't done, my friend. God doesn't seem one to leave things unfinished...
[As the fount of words in the rush of unexpected insight trails off and Beckett picks up in the silence, Enoch quiets and listens. The conversation has already been a salve to his heart after the pain of the previous night, though he'd begun it to help Beckett; at least he seemed to have benefited just as well.
This tendency of his, to underestimate or never notice his own impact, to attribute such a thing to the other party, is what gives his friend's statement of fact all the emotional weight of the confession it could have been but wasn't.]
Have I? [He hesitates to say it as if he scarcely dares to think it.] I thought what I saw in you was earned trust, the privilege of seeing something you didn't show others. Had I really...?
[He chokes up, tears pricking the corner of his eyes as they crinkle in a warm smile. It wasn't the same as the angels. The angels had never known. Beckett had been raised as a human. He had once known. It was not discovery but rediscovery, and the thought that he had helped him reconnect with a piece of himself forgotten, or perhaps never properly developed...
His free hand rises to cover his heart, as if he could capture the warmth in the twinge of emotion there and keep it.]
I'm- I'm honored, to have been able to do this for you.
This tendency of his, to underestimate or never notice his own impact, to attribute such a thing to the other party, is what gives his friend's statement of fact all the emotional weight of the confession it could have been but wasn't.]
Have I? [He hesitates to say it as if he scarcely dares to think it.] I thought what I saw in you was earned trust, the privilege of seeing something you didn't show others. Had I really...?
[He chokes up, tears pricking the corner of his eyes as they crinkle in a warm smile. It wasn't the same as the angels. The angels had never known. Beckett had been raised as a human. He had once known. It was not discovery but rediscovery, and the thought that he had helped him reconnect with a piece of himself forgotten, or perhaps never properly developed...
His free hand rises to cover his heart, as if he could capture the warmth in the twinge of emotion there and keep it.]
I'm- I'm honored, to have been able to do this for you.
[ The thing about dying is that, as far as Angel is concerned, it's so much worse for the people left behind than it is for the person who's actually dying. Which isn't to say that death doesn't scare her - it's scared her every time she's been confronted with it, even back home when it was her only ral option - but. It's how she deals with these things, isn't it? Worry about other people's problems first and hers later.
So she struggles a little on deciding whether or not to contact anyone to let them know what's going on. It isn't like they can stop it. She's just going to give people one more thing to be sad or worried about, and is that really the last memory she wants people to have of her if she doesn't come back?
But she knows that Rhys isn't thinking that way, and Beckett's waiting for them. Besides, wasn't that the worst thing about when he'd died? Not getting to say goodbye? Closure is important. And after his whole thing with Lucita --
Okay, then. She can text him, if no one else. ]
Considering the time, I suppose it's obvious that we aren't meeting up again today after all. Sorry.
[ It's a woefully inadequate opening, but she sends it anyway. Before she changes her mind. ]
So she struggles a little on deciding whether or not to contact anyone to let them know what's going on. It isn't like they can stop it. She's just going to give people one more thing to be sad or worried about, and is that really the last memory she wants people to have of her if she doesn't come back?
But she knows that Rhys isn't thinking that way, and Beckett's waiting for them. Besides, wasn't that the worst thing about when he'd died? Not getting to say goodbye? Closure is important. And after his whole thing with Lucita --
Okay, then. She can text him, if no one else. ]
Considering the time, I suppose it's obvious that we aren't meeting up again today after all. Sorry.
[ It's a woefully inadequate opening, but she sends it anyway. Before she changes her mind. ]
[ Rhys lags behind Angel in messaging Beckett, trapped in a sort of shell-shocked daze. He'd blame it on a dream but dreams aren't this painful.
Pain.
Maybe that's why they were late. Why they're out and everyone else is in. Isn't he slower than usual, hard to get started in the morning, limpy and full of complaints? 'Maybe' is being generous, huh. ]
It's my fault.
Pain.
Maybe that's why they were late. Why they're out and everyone else is in. Isn't he slower than usual, hard to get started in the morning, limpy and full of complaints? 'Maybe' is being generous, huh. ]
It's my fault.
[It's past lockdown, and Beckett had been pacing the night's shelter like a caged wolf, back and forth, forgetting that his tablet is transmitting the whole while. Rhys and Angel hadn't arrived. He'd been keeping as close tabs as possible, but now he has no idea where they are. There are a number of buildings in this area and they could be in any one of them, or they could be - no, surely they couldn't. Step, step, step. He waits for the message. He can wait another day for them to arrive, waiting is just a fact of life in Norfinbury. Just as long as they finally -
Ah. At last. The crash of relief is visible on his face as he brings up the tablet to read her message and reply. All right, that's - the tone is a little odd, flat for Angel, but it's a message. He shakes his head, unperturbed. Just a delay. It's all right.]
It's all right. You are nearby? If you need to take a day's rest, we can come to you.
[It'll be easy, won't it?]
Ah. At last. The crash of relief is visible on his face as he brings up the tablet to read her message and reply. All right, that's - the tone is a little odd, flat for Angel, but it's a message. He shakes his head, unperturbed. Just a delay. It's all right.]
It's all right. You are nearby? If you need to take a day's rest, we can come to you.
[It'll be easy, won't it?]
[ Oh, Beckett. Why video. His look of relief almost kills her before the cold can. ]
We're
[ She's stuck on that first word for a while. Typing out what's happened is apparently just as difficult as saying it out loud would be.
She should do it quickly. Right? This isn't the kind of thing that should be tiptoed around. Or why message him in the first place? ]
outside.
Sorry.
We're
[ She's stuck on that first word for a while. Typing out what's happened is apparently just as difficult as saying it out loud would be.
She should do it quickly. Right? This isn't the kind of thing that should be tiptoed around. Or why message him in the first place? ]
outside.
Sorry.
[Outside.
Sometimes, corpse-gray though he is, it's still possible to see the blood drain from Beckett's face. He's not wearing his glasses. His eyes grow huge. He looks at the tablet, reads the three words, looks up, down, reads them again.
Outside?]
You're -
[Outside?]
But - how - where?!
Sometimes, corpse-gray though he is, it's still possible to see the blood drain from Beckett's face. He's not wearing his glasses. His eyes grow huge. He looks at the tablet, reads the three words, looks up, down, reads them again.
Outside?]
You're -
[Outside?]
But - how - where?!
Edited 2017-06-21 19:44 (UTC)
[By the time the tablet pings with the second message, Beckett is past the moment of blazing cold shock. He can more or less process again. Or not process - he can communicate, but processing is taking its time. Congratulations, Rhys, you are treated to the full sight of the situation hitting him again, cracking the faint scab of enforced calm. He flinches, one fang catching his lower lip as he grits his teeth.]
What - what did you do?
What - what did you do?
We're *right* outside. Ground floor.
[ How seems self-explanatory. They hecked up. That's all there is to say about it. ]
I'm sorry. We should have stopped earlier and
Sorry.
[ Looking at his face is just too freaking hard, so she's just gonna. Cover that part of the screen with her sleeve until she can breathe again. Yeah. ]
[ How seems self-explanatory. They hecked up. That's all there is to say about it. ]
I'm sorry. We should have stopped earlier and
Sorry.
[ Looking at his face is just too freaking hard, so she's just gonna. Cover that part of the screen with her sleeve until she can breathe again. Yeah. ]
You've traveled with me, you know I - I-I wasn't fast enough, wh... w-wasn't -- didn't realize we wouldn't make it. I should have had us stop.
I'm s-s-sorry --
[ Acquiesce to video, okay. He shouldn't hide behind text. Rhys' voice chokes, and he doesn't even bother to wipe the tears. The cold wind is drying them rapidly anyway. ]
I'm s-s-sorry --
[ Acquiesce to video, okay. He shouldn't hide behind text. Rhys' voice chokes, and he doesn't even bother to wipe the tears. The cold wind is drying them rapidly anyway. ]
Yes... you should've. [It's not an accusation. His tone is faint, the words almost lost into his chest as he briefly hangs his head. He imagines Rhys pushing himself, trying so damnably hard not to slow down, not to be a burden. He wouldn't have made the same mistake as well, but Rhys and Angel are so young, so young.]
It doesn't matter. If anything it's my fault for not coming to you. Don't... Rhys, you love each other like brother and sister, don't you?
It doesn't matter. If anything it's my fault for not coming to you. Don't... Rhys, you love each other like brother and sister, don't you?
[If anything, his expression collapses all over again hearing that. Right outside. They must have been minutes away from making it. Perhaps if he'd met them downstairs? Or met them halfway rather than stubbornly staying in this one building, testing the corpses, the beds, getting - not much at all. His breathing grows loud, rattling. He visibly forces himself to slow it, slow his thoughts.]
I - let me see you. Please.
I - let me see you. Please.
[ Nooooooooooo. She doesn't wanna. Seeing and being seen makes it so much harder to keep it together.
Of course, she complies anyway because everyone knows about Angel and her whole self-sacrificing thing. It how she do. ]
Okay.
[ If it's any consolation, she doesn't look frightened. She's trying to keep both her expression and her voice calm and neutral, but there's something a lot like shame there. This isn't an awful thing happening to her - it's an awful thing she's doing to other people, letting them down this way. ]
Sorry, my - my hair's a mess.
[ j o k e s ]
Of course, she complies anyway because everyone knows about Angel and her whole self-sacrificing thing. It how she do. ]
Okay.
[ If it's any consolation, she doesn't look frightened. She's trying to keep both her expression and her voice calm and neutral, but there's something a lot like shame there. This isn't an awful thing happening to her - it's an awful thing she's doing to other people, letting them down this way. ]
Sorry, my - my hair's a mess.
[ j o k e s ]
[ Angel would be blaming herself as well, her short legs. Near the end he'd practically carried her, one-armed he may be, but powered by adrenaline and fear.
They didn't know the area. There was no door. They may have ran straight past. ]
We just w-wanna... wanted to see -
[ "You" is stolen by the wind and a hiccup. He's glad, highly aware how juvenile it makes him sound.
Breathing. Nodding. ]
We do. Yeah...
They didn't know the area. There was no door. They may have ran straight past. ]
We just w-wanna... wanted to see -
[ "You" is stolen by the wind and a hiccup. He's glad, highly aware how juvenile it makes him sound.
Breathing. Nodding. ]
We do. Yeah...
[As soon as he asks her and she complies he knows he shouldn't have. He knows she doesn't want to fall apart in front of him - even if she is going to fall apart she doesn't want him to see it, and he understands that very much, and yet at the same time suddenly he is quite sick of it. They've both had their rounds with death before but never like this, facing each other on two sides of a barrier - two barriers - the door and the screen of the tablet,It's different. It makes everything stark and real. Makes the seconds tick in a way he was never aware of when he was immortal.]
What can I do for you? [He asks softly, managing - now that he's aware of everything, of how they don't have time for his shock and panic and frustrated rage - to quiet them, to look at her perhaps not calmly, but to truly look at her, and listen.] Anything you've ever wanted to know or hear me say and haven't had the chance.
What can I do for you? [He asks softly, managing - now that he's aware of everything, of how they don't have time for his shock and panic and frustrated rage - to quiet them, to look at her perhaps not calmly, but to truly look at her, and listen.] Anything you've ever wanted to know or hear me say and haven't had the chance.
I know. We all made a mistake. [He slows down as Rhys becomes more agitated, set, if nothing else, on keeping hold of himself and not making it worse. If it can at all get worse, when the ones he loves are freezing to death just outside a locked door.]
Maybe we'll get to learn from it. But for now... listen to me. Tell her. If there's anything you meant to and never did, if there's anything... you want to tell me and never did, do it now. Just in case.
Maybe we'll get to learn from it. But for now... listen to me. Tell her. If there's anything you meant to and never did, if there's anything... you want to tell me and never did, do it now. Just in case.
There's nothing I want you to say, you doof--!
[ She even laughs a bit at that, somehow. Just a bit. It's half nerves - offering last requests is so very final, and she desperately wants to believe that she's coming back. Rhys too, of course, since the idea of one of them having to go on without the other is too horrid to contemplate even for a second.
Which naturally means she does think about it. And not coming back in general. ]
But I'd like to - I want to say that even if this is it, I'm really glad we met. All of us. It's been worth all the - you know, all this. The Norfinbury parts. A million times over.
[ She even laughs a bit at that, somehow. Just a bit. It's half nerves - offering last requests is so very final, and she desperately wants to believe that she's coming back. Rhys too, of course, since the idea of one of them having to go on without the other is too horrid to contemplate even for a second.
Which naturally means she does think about it. And not coming back in general. ]
But I'd like to - I want to say that even if this is it, I'm really glad we met. All of us. It's been worth all the - you know, all this. The Norfinbury parts. A million times over.
Uhm.
[ His gaze goes every which way before settling back on Beckett, eye glassy and bright. He hasn't ever said it, has he? To Angel, yeah. Not Beckett. Guy's gotten soft, but not shmoopy.
Not with Rhys.
But. If there was ever a time... ]
You... know, you. Th-that I love you. I-I'm pretty obvious about it, but you deserve to hear it.
[ His gaze goes every which way before settling back on Beckett, eye glassy and bright. He hasn't ever said it, has he? To Angel, yeah. Not Beckett. Guy's gotten soft, but not shmoopy.
Not with Rhys.
But. If there was ever a time... ]
You... know, you. Th-that I love you. I-I'm pretty obvious about it, but you deserve to hear it.
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