Is it only that? I don't think so. I've always been willing, to some degree at least. And-...
It isn't like Clayton, is it. I didn't want to hurt him, doing things he could never conceive of doing. Before that, I...I was planning, somewhere in the back of my mind, to try to force myself to stay in the school. I had died by being forced out.
[His self-preservation has never been his highest priority.]
You...you would hurt, too, but you would understand. I'm not betraying myself in offering this, and not trying to- to...
[He seems to have lost the word he's looking for. He is thoroughly exhausted, and it shows.]
...to cheapen your resolve? No, to...patronize you in some way. I'm not trying to do that. It's only- you're precious to me, and- [his voice breaks, and he swallows heavily.] - I don't want you to think you need to do this alone all the time. I'm willing, and not only for your sake.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2018-04-05 02:01 am (UTC)It isn't like Clayton, is it. I didn't want to hurt him, doing things he could never conceive of doing. Before that, I...I was planning, somewhere in the back of my mind, to try to force myself to stay in the school. I had died by being forced out.
[His self-preservation has never been his highest priority.]
You...you would hurt, too, but you would understand. I'm not betraying myself in offering this, and not trying to- to...
[He seems to have lost the word he's looking for. He is thoroughly exhausted, and it shows.]
...to cheapen your resolve? No, to...patronize you in some way. I'm not trying to do that. It's only- you're precious to me, and- [his voice breaks, and he swallows heavily.] - I don't want you to think you need to do this alone all the time. I'm willing, and not only for your sake.