I know that. [He doesn't want the reminder. It's so difficult to explain that downright alien feeling of looking at another and being utterly unable to bare their suffering. To refuse them. He's also thinking about Enoch now.]
I'm trying - I'm trying to -
[Damnit, old man, out with it. It's not like she doesn't already know.]
I'm not protecting you. I'm protecting myself. The word I've given Enoch - that I'll be careful, choose my danger, not hurt myself - I can't keep it. And trying is driving me mad. I can't be careful when I know it's holding me back. I'm just the coward you say I am. [He gives an odd little sound, something between a laugh and a sniffle.] It's strange, isn't it, how one can be utterly unfazed by pain and death, but unable to deal with even the thought of someone else being unhappy.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2018-03-08 09:40 pm (UTC)I'm trying - I'm trying to -
[Damnit, old man, out with it. It's not like she doesn't already know.]
I'm not protecting you. I'm protecting myself. The word I've given Enoch - that I'll be careful, choose my danger, not hurt myself - I can't keep it. And trying is driving me mad. I can't be careful when I know it's holding me back. I'm just the coward you say I am. [He gives an odd little sound, something between a laugh and a sniffle.] It's strange, isn't it, how one can be utterly unfazed by pain and death, but unable to deal with even the thought of someone else being unhappy.