[IC Contact -- Snowblind]

[bookofnope]

[There is a click noise. It sounds as though it might be judging you.]

Comments

[bookofnope]

When you put it that way, I'm suddenly feeling very grateful for the size of our misery ants. I imagine bites from a hundred thousand spiderants result in a little more than nausea. But as for your question, it's a fairly standard pattern in the evolution of human culture. See thing that looks nothing like anything you know, name it after something it doesn't so much resemble as evoke. Spiders and ants evoke aggression and aversion. Hence: spiderant. And that was today's lesson, there'll be a quiz if we survive the week.

[That was the joke part. Now he's going to ruin it.]

I promise not to blame myself for not seeing it, if you promise not to blame yourself for what happened, or happens to Rhys.

[phaseshifter]

Huh. I suppose that could be it! :O
Although it may be giving Pandorans a little too much credit honestly
We have these things called "bullymongs." Do you have those? Huge, buff, four arms, two legs? Big lower jaw and sporadic tufts of surprisingly luxurious fur??
Anyway there was a push a while back to get those renamed to "bonerfarts" and I think that says more about Pandorans than anything else I could ever tell you :/

[ I feel the need to point out that this is one hundred percent canon and not something I just made up. Baby ones get tentatively renamed "bonertoots." It's very mature. ]

And I can't *promise* when I don't remember what happened firsthand!!
I'd like to, but I can't be completely sure how remembering will change things so I'd rather not promise at all than risk breaking one!
(And nothing more is going to happen to Rhys or I'm going to KICK HIS ASS)

day 377; @masterneloth; text;

[telvanni]

[ With no fanfare or explanation, a file is delivered to Beckett's inbox. Remember that whole thing where Beckett said he was interested in gods and such? NELOTH DOES. Which is why he hasn't just written an overview of the whole deal, oh no. That's not showing off enough. He's written a fucking novel. It's split into chapters and everything. And the first third or so is in capslock because it took him that long to figure out how to turn it off. Why.

To say he's been thorough is an understatement. The file starts off with a shitty paint program diagram of the universe as it's currently understood, with helpful labels. Apparently the sun and stars - Magnus and the Magna-Ge - are holes in the sky leading through to Aetherius, the source of magic, and the planets in the space surrounding Nirn are all that remains of the flesh-divinity of the Aedra. Whatever that means. The Aedra in general get glossed over with little interest and are dismissed as being disinterested, disivolved, and at least partially dead.

The Daedra, on the other hand, get a lot more in terms of explanation. There are "good" and "bad" daedra, though he dismisses this idea as being stupid and arbitrary and far too mortal in its judgements. He goes into great detail about each of the Daedric Princes and their sphere of influence - he spends a lot of time talking about Hermaeus Mora, the Daedric Prince of knowledge, who is apparently a lovecraftian many-eyed tentacle monster whose plane of Oblivion is a never-ending library. Mehrunes Dagon gets a similar treatment: he's listed as the Prince of Destruction, and there's a level of detail in the descriptions of the rituals needed to commune with him that indicate a certain amount of personal experience on Neloth's part.

If Beckett gets far enough into the wall of text, he'll find that is indeed the case. Apparently, Neloth was once granted an artifact by this particular god that was later stolen by someone called Gothren. The next three chapters are an elaborate dissertation on why Gothren sucks, why he should never have been made Archmagister of House Telvanni, and how the only bad thing about him being dead is that Neloth didn't get to murder the aggravating s'wit himself.

Not that he bears a grudge or anything.

The chapter on Molag Bal might be of particular interest to Beckett. Listed as the Prince of Domination, he's also the father of vampires - there's a patchy retelling of the legend behind it, which is pretty unpleasant to say the least. CW: rape and murder. Yeah.

There's also a section on non-Aedric/Daedric gods, which mostly concerns three beings known as the Tribunal. They're detailed as having been people, once, who elevated themselves to godhood but later had it stripped from them and were killed. Except one - Vivec - who no one is completely certain about. Neloth merely notes that Vivec "was and possibly is a strange, narcissistic fetcher who probably revels in the attention that their oh-so mysterious disappearance brought them. S'wit. Don't ask about their poetry."

I'm sorry did I say this was a novel because apparently it's more like some kind of divine gossip rag?? ]

text; private

[swatsflies]

I have a tie for him. Do you think that will cheer him up?
I'll see if we have alcohol.
I think we have bandages still and disinfectant.

[bookofnope]

Why, no, we did not have bullymongs, I realize I am delighted to report. They don't seem to be a staple. Nor bonerfarts, for the matter, though now I am having some very vivid mental images, thank you, Angel.

[This is payback for telling her about the Cathedral of Flesh isn't it.]

And I take your point, but still - it's a textbook madness. I can assure you that I can't in any way imagine you doing anything like it in your right mind. Not under any circumstances. Not to Rhys.

[To anyone else? He can't say. But not to Rhys, surely.]

text; private

[bookofnope]

I'm sadly doubtful about the tie, but call him. Talk to him. Perhaps that could make a difference in how things fall.

text; private

[swatsflies]

[ It's obnoxious colored and Angel will hate it.]

Yeah, I will. I'll hit him up.

@Mnemonsyne; text

[bookofnope]

[So, Beckett being Beckett, this is basically Nerd Christmas to him. Also it's the perfect massive tome of mytho-historo-occult bullshit to distract him from Rhys's condition and everything else that is Really Quite Awful. It takes him most of the night but he absolutely devours it. With notes. Extensive marginalia. Maybe a doodle or two.

He has a billion questions, but he's a polite seeker of arcane knowledge among the secret circles of those who deal in secrets forbidden to mankind. So he follows procedures and begin by sending back the Book of Nod. Never miss an opportunity to share that one, anyway. Two birds with one stone. Elder gods with one obscene ritual. Something.]

This is a remarkable dossier of information. Did you have it prepared in advance? Are we even enough for me to bargain for questions?

[phaseshifter]

You're welcome!! ♥ :P
At least we have puppies in common. And ponies, I guess, but those don't matter so much. I feel very strongly that every planet should have some form of puppy. :||||

And geez you're good at making it sound really ominous
I think "hey Angel you went completely crazypants" is definitely enough detail for now
(I'll at least promise to TRY and not blame myself, how's that??)

@dickcheese, audio day 381

[headjacked]

[ It feels like waking up from a drunken nightmare, lying in a cold sweat and hoping to whatever god you please you haven't done anything to make an ass of yourself.

Except he knows he has. Certain memories are quite vivid. And 'ass' doesn't quite cover the avalanche of shit he brought down.

He has some burning questions, but Beckett deserves a tiny reprieve before then. ]

Sorry I'm unfashionably late.

[telvanni]

If I had had it prepared in advance, you would have recieved it days ago. Unfortunately, I found my efforts stymied by the inelegance of this gods-damned tablet thingie. My distaste knows no bounds.

[ He has to do the old man single-finger pokey typing thing Beckett IT'S AWFUL. You understand. He knows you do. ]

As for questions, I suppose I can find the time to answer some while I peruse your offering. Multitasking is an important skill that should be kept sharp, after all.

[ Read: OH PLEASE DO ASK ME QUESTIONS I'M SO VERY VERY SMART LOOK AT ALL MY KNOWLEDGE ]

audio

[bookofnope]

[Now and then, once in a blue moon, when he forgets himself, Beckett still sends up prayers of thanks to the God he's pretty much permanently confused about. This is one of those times.]

I was getting worried. Well, more worried. Well - oh, bloody hell, you know. Let's never do that again. Please tell me it was as painless as I tried to make it.

[Also he rambles. It's almost cute.]

audio

[headjacked]

[ Dammit, it is cute, and injects some warm fuzzies directly into Rhys' chest. Some of the best medicine, really.

The questions can wait a bit longer. ]

Dude, trust me, I am over that scene. And doing it three times would be, like, super gauche.

But -- you did what you said you would. Without it hurting. [ Much. ] Knew... knew I could count on you.

Day 376 morning; video; @standardissue

[deus_ex_phs]

[The username might be Kunsel's, but the face Beckett will be greeted with is Zack's.]

Hey, man! It's me, Zack!

[ But he probably already knows. Zack should be connecting those dots while doing his squats in one, two- ] -oh! Guess you already could tell, huh?

[ He finally stands tall, dusting his hands off his pants absently. Swinging them now as he speaks. ]

Anyway, Kunsel told me you could use some cheering up, so here I am, your best buddy, Zack! Letting you know I love you, man! It's been hard, but things will start getting better and it'll start with us!

[ Cue the dumbest, surest smile! ]

[RIP Zack.]

audio

[bookofnope]

Good. That's good. It was all I could do. [Literally, all he could do. But he hadn't walked away, at least.]


For a given value of counting. But. Good, it's good. And you haven't lost anything you consider immediately important...?

voice;

[bookofnope]

[.............................

It's the town, isn't it. It's some Norfinbury effect. Some exotic madness. Right. Yes. Absolutely.

Beckett's voice is The Very Most Level. Don't get mad. It's not Zack's fault. Totally for once not his fault. Just, bypass him. And maybe pray.]

Kunsel, are you there? Are the two of you quite all right?

audio

[headjacked]

That's, that's the weirdest thing, I don't think I've lost -- [ Anything. Anyone, on the other hand... Rhys rubs his palm against his pant leg until he gets friction burn. ] -- unless it's Jack. It might be Jack, Eve basically hates him and he hasn't said a word since I got up.

Wouldn't that be a nice break? Too nice, it's -- pr-probably not that.

[ Rub. Ow. Rub. ]

voice

[deus_ex_phs]

[It's Kunsel's voice that answers, cheerful and pleasant, with maybe only a hint of a grin.]

Kunsel here. Yeah, we're fine. Why? Is something up?

[Like he didn't just send Beckett a video like that.]

audio

[bookofnope]

[It's probably not that. Can't have nice things. In fact Beckett's Horrible Things sense is tingling fierce. He's had one death price that had been totally unknown to him until it wasn't. He'll never forget that.]

It might be memories from before your arrival. Something you wouldn't know was gone until it returned. Better be braced for it, or do some version checking with Angel...

[Speaking of which, a message from Angel pops up. He'll check it in a minute. It's all about you now, Rhys.]

voice

[bookofnope]

[What is even happening. <>Vampire alarm intensifies.]

I just got an... unusual message from Zack via your tablet. I thought I should confirm that Robert Miller is not involved, that neither of you is about to murder the other, and that what passes for his brain isn't leaking out of his ears in glowing radioactive gloop.

voice

[deus_ex_phs]

What, you don't remember that Zack is your best friend here? Don't say things like that. You'll make him cry.

[There is such a shit-eating grin in Kunsel's voice now, there's no way it can be missed. He is so trolling the both of you here.]

Re: audio

[headjacked]

We've only known each other here, dude, we wouldn't - wouldn't be able to screen each other for Before Memories. Unless they were ESPECIALLY egregious.

[ He doesn't know what he doesn't know what he won't know

until he knows

but it'll be too late ]

If I've danced naked on a coffee table please refrain from retelling. I'll pretty please if need be.

audio

[bookofnope]

If you did we'd have had videos - [He starts with a chuckle, even as he idly opens Angel's message. He's not expecting anything huge. Maybe she's letting him know about Rhys being back, since he probably got in touch with her first, as well he should.] - one moment -

[It. Sure is a moment.

A long, long moment of horrified silence.

Then Beckett is back. His voice is eerily calm. This Crap Will Not Stand kind of calm.]

Rhys - could you do something for me? Would you briefly, just to test something, tell me in rich detail just how egregious an asshole you consider Handsome Jack to me?

voice

[bookofnope]

My - is this because I told Zell I'd settle for liking him? I knew that was a - wait, what?

[Slowly, slowly, the wheels turn in the tired vampire brain. Kunsel be trolling. Zack is in Beckett's humble opinion too dumb to troll so clearly this is all Kunsel. How did he do it. How is Zack that suggestible. Oh god is he using a death price to -]

You are a unique kind of brutal, did anyone ever tell you that? Let me talk to him.

voice

[deus_ex_phs]

[Beckett's accusation is met with unrepentant laughter.]

Not until I have enough time to barricade myself in a room.

[Does that answer your questions, Beckett?

Zack's going to murder him.]